Dream

Go love her like she deserves now you fool! What�s wrong with you? I say. Why you always want something you don�t have? Honestly, what was she thinking I want to know� (a little curd from my hand pours on the open book I�m waiting to read after his call)
�well, you know, he says. I wanted to� (in the next room they turn the tv�s voice load and I miss the rest of his words) turn it down! I holler. I feel like we�d get into an arguing if the tv wasn�t aloud, but I�m just not sure what he�s been saying.. so I pretend everything is all right.
Listen, I say. You created this mess for yourself. Now don�t ask me�
You wicked witch! He interrupts me. (One spoonful honey pours on the book) I hide my anger to make him even more furious, and say in a cold tone: see? That�s why I don�t want to see you (someone in the next room is laughing and saying a funny story)�you lack the power of thinking� (I don�t know what I said after that, perhaps because I was thinking how to clean the honey from the page without wearing it).
Look, I told you before, he says (he�s lied now with his head on my thighs. I get my hand into his hair). I was running from my thoughts, from you, but admit it, you couldn�t � Could you? I interrupt. You never risked anything for me! You never even told your mother you had a girlfriend!
He moves his face in a way that I can see his full face and says: Look! When I met her I was devastated, the way you broke up with me� (now both sides of the page is smeared with honey, seems impossible to clean) now come on� (he�s leant on one hand and has his other hand on my face, in a way that he�s about to kiss me.)Why are you so selfish? Don�t you understand that if it wasn�t because of you I wouldn�t be married now? Do you know how much I paid last week for her classes?

I�m looking out the dark space from the window..It�s not even worth it to talk, I�m thinking. I get his hand away from my face, then get up and mutter without looking at him; I think you should go now�




September 2003

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Couple of months ago, I decided to quit blogging. But it was a critical time for iran, with ahmadinejad making a real disaster with his big mouth, and as an Iranian I could not be silent. On the other hand, the news about �threats� and iran�s nuclear programs was driving me crazy and I should write about it.
So I continued writing here but I closed my Persian blog. I changed it�s address to hide it, but this way I lost the archive (obviously it�s a stupid thing I did, if you decide to close your blog but not delete it, don�t do that!)
Yesterday, without any hope I asked my friend (the angle of making up my computer mistakes actually), and he found them. I didn�t know that before, but it�s like every blog �s archive can be found by search, it�s saved somewhere on the net.

Anyway finding the archive back, I was reviewing it, and I thought that would be fun to write some of them here (well, to be honest, mostly I was thinking how crazy I was in not a lot time ago). So came out the above writing..

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That�s right, I�m not going to write about what happened in the Lebanon and the danger of Hezbollah actions for iran. Hearing it was disturbing enough.

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Iranians in hunger strike, London.

Other locations of Iranians' hunger strike

Painting: Sleep; Salvador Dali, 1937.