Vipassana- the 4th day; Edittana


The day after that, there was a notice on the wall, near the main hall: �Today is the day of Edittana. Prepare yourself for a continuous two hours meditate in the common hall.�

Till that day, meditate lasted for eleven hours every day, but after every one hour and a half we had a 5 minutes break. Mostly I tried to sleep in that 5 minutes, or some times walk a little. That day we were suppose to sit only half an hour more, but it sounded very difficult to me.

The master explained that Edittana means �firm decision�, and Edittana Sitting, means every position we decided to have in the beginning of the meditate, should be kept unchanged till the end.

I was like Come on! Two hours?! I�m so out of here� seriously thinking about escape now.

But who I was kidding? After what I saw came out of the back of my mind, I had to go till the end.

Everybody was like a child who lost mother, listening to master who now was saying about �things� (sankaras) that today may come out in the shape of bodily pains.

�yeah, right! Even the most �thingless� person if sit somewhere and doesn�t move a muscle after two hours gets painful! Don�t make me hurt you!� I was thinking..

I said to Sepideh (we could talk to dalma workers if there was an emergency) look, I can�t bend my knees for two hours! Let me lean somewhere. She told me, everybody has a little knee problem, and if I follow the technique strictly, when my mind gain the maximum balance, the pain will go away.

I knew she was saying that because had no idea about my problem, but I decided to trust her.

Untill the ending song of the meditate started, I did not move at all. First I had ache in my back and knees, but after a while, I started to get numb, a good numb. I was getting lighter and lighter. I couldn�t feel myself anymore, it was like I was getting over the floor, like a gas lighter than the air. It didn�t happen of course actually, I was just feeling like that.

It was for the first time that I didn�t have any pain in my body after meditate. Like molting, I felt like I had a new skin which was lighter than the old one, light and smooth.

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I was watching �smile� (Lily Allen), I thought look how every thing seems simpler than the past.. I mean, even to this subject music, for us, and so many people I knew but were not my friends, in 90s music was a very serious thing. For me, the unplugged concert of Nirvana (mtv) was like holy book (it�s still special for me because I made some of my surreal art works listening to it. it was not just me, once my friend �who paints too- said, Neda do you see when kurt cubain is too high to scream things get surreal?)

Now music is for those who are after simpler things and ways.

I thought it was me � and because of age- taking almost nothing seriously, I mean, I don�t live my life like it�s gonna last for ever anymore, and this way nothing could matter some how. But it�s like everything and every body �except religious people and suicide bombers- is coming to this area.

Ten years ago, if I was lily, I�d try day and night to forgive the boyfriend, wish him good, and relegate to best imaginary parts of the universe out of my thoughts. Now, I�d do exactly what she did, may be a little different in details.

Painting: Mourning angle, Marion Lucka.