What was I thinking?... I thought.. but I already knew there was no way that I stayed at home that night; after all it was "Charcshanbeh soory".
Like all last Wednesdays of winter people gathered together to celebrate. Here and there, there were small and big fires, people jumping over it singing "Zardi e man az to, sorkhi e to az man*".
Since three-four years before, police had tried to stop people, some how every body could feel they are trying to erase Iranian culture, and it was tragically ridiculous because it got people somehow to opposite direction.

Charshanbe soory every year, they make huge effort to kill people's desire for celebrating; by arresting some and terrifying them. But like the past years, no body was going home that night too. On the other hand, their will to stop people has been growing stronger.
We were now going to a friend's house which was nearest to where we were, me and someone I'd been dating for couple of months. It was getting too crowded Jordan street and the police forces more and more.

When we arrived Payam's new dog was barking in a way that I thought he'd tear me up if the chain were just a little loosen. "what else you'd do if you were brave I want to know" I thought to myself, letting Ramtin to buckler when I passed the dog-zone. He was from Esfahan, a famous town in iran, and was studying music in Tehran. Although I've never been a big fan of Tar, which is a traditional instrument, I liked listening when he played, even a music you don't like is good when live, don't you think?

But an uneasy feeling was telling me we were not finished with nasty situations yet. When we entered, a bunch of people were there, they hadn't wasted their time examining the streets capacity to entertaining them.

When Sali, my friend came along, kissing her cheek I immediately found out they've been using drugs before we were there. It was like a mask getting on their face, been with them couple of times I realized it's like it's not the same person looking at you. Some times they got emotional, or aggressive.

It was strange in my opinion because it was only two months before that our other friend's body was found after she overdosed. She always had problems with her family who tried too hard to control her. We didn't know much about her mother, except that she was in France and when Puneh was a little girl, she used to locked her and her sister in the bathroom and go to parties. and that was how her tragic story ended, in a cartoon. They said she was alive till the morning, but her "friends" (not our mutual friends) were afraid to take her to the hospital, thinking they'll be caught as drug users. The interesting point was that they came to her funeral.. I so wanted to slap that girl who was eating "baghali polo" with a remarkable appetency, her mother sitting next to her woirried about vitamins she might not get enough. Though we heard they caught them later.

Anyway after that they tried to stop, but still sometimes when together, someone showed up with small plastic packs, a white powder it. it was very cheap and every where in the streets you could get it.

Now the voices from the street were getting tense and violent. A friend who arrived said they've closed the alley, to avoid people use it for making fire and dance around it.

-Great! now we have to stay till the morning...

Suddenly an anxious voice yelled in the kitchen: Nagy! breath! Nagy.. it was Mori, Nagy's boyfriend. She was getting purple, and was not breathing..

-and may be we stay more..All of us are in deep trouble if something happens to her, Ramtin said.

Payam was getting sick from fear, it was him more than anybody else in trouble if anything happened to her.

Every body knew it was not gonna work, but it seemed Mori was not going to stop giving her artificial respiration and shaking her chest.

-oh for god's sake..she's not drowned! Let's take her to a hospital!
-Sure! And I will drive all of us after that to jail directly! Is that what you want?

Nagy's sister now getting panicked, was looking for Ali, But her boyfriend had left some minutes ago after he saw what was happening. Wise jerk.. I thought.
-It's like that little bit too much drink, that makes you sick, instead that you die.. I said, searching for his hand, I don't know why I thought it may calm me down.

That was like a decade, those seconds that she didn't breathe. But suddenly a faint move and a moan, and she was back.Mori was happier that every one, others mostly angry with her. She was always greedy, and this time it was taking her life.

Payam released a long poooooooooof, loosening himself on the sofa... -But you guys were getting my head gone with the wind, did you know that?

And I was thinking of my childhood Charshanbeh soories, when everything was more peaceful and meaningful.
The guys my older sister and her friends used to play with or ride bicycle coming to our door for "ghashogh zani", wearing chador I could see Homayoon's mustache, and that was the funniest thing I had seen in all that five-six years of my life. My sister giggling, put candies in their bowls like they do in ghashogh zani. I remembered small fires all over the alley, people jumping over them like Iranians before us did to welcome "a hundred years better than thase years"**.





*My yellowness from you, your redness from me.

**for new year greetings they say: "sad sal beh az in salha".




Insane Gravity; oil on paper; 1999.