… my mind goes far away from this small, stony room.. and it stops on a point; where I feel too stupid for this complicated world…

***


-I’m not a big fan of noisy places, you know.. cozy calm corners are for me.. he says.
-and you can't find it easily, I guess.. I say, as we shift our table for the second time.
-that’s right.. (smiling)..
a song from chris de burg is playing, which reminds me of a friend who was big fan of his.
-there are lots of Iranians where I live, you must know.. I have lots of friends there …and I always thought why Iranian women are so feminine and tender but they raise such aggressive sons?

The mahi-kebab almost jumps to my throat, I hardly control my coughs which causes small tears come to my eyes.
–you think so?
-ya… I’ve never had a bad experience of course…but hey, my ex-wife was a very aggressive woman too, makes a good match, huh? Hahaha..
(I’m trying to smile) -so..this is what I’ve tried to understand since I came to your country… why girls must pay money to their new husbands here? I just had to shift my place because the landlord’s daughter who got married should give her apartment to the groom.. what are the roots and reasons?
-oh.."Dawory".. no reason actually. Just a nasty tradition.. never was a big fan though, don’t worry!
-I’m not, I say (little bit cold).
I like this place, I’m thinking as a comparatively newer song strated. when my cell rings I hardly hear. It’s the remainder, for my "Medroxyprogesterone". It appears like I’m hanging up on someone. He suddenly gets suspicious and crabbed. Just minutes ago I almost gave a lecture about how unpleasant is to feel distrusted and controlled, but I could think and feel like that if he does the same too, so I try to explain; -I don’t have a very good short time memory…

He doesn’t seem to be convinced… playing with my glass and tasting the wine, I’m thinking about the last time I tried too hard to make a relationship work.. and how stupid and unworthy I felt when it didn’t any way.

***
The next morning, sitting on that cold small stone, my mind goes far away .. and perches on a painful point; I feel too stupid for this complicated world, and too tried to play any game.








Painting: Untitled (First Abstract Watercolor) by Wassily Kandinsky.